Well

Few weeks back, I stepped onto my parents' toe. On returning home late.(Around the period of time where I didn't blog for a long time.)

Define your definition of late? To me late is wee hours in the morning like 3-4am. I was home at about 1.30am and my parents had a fit and threw a fuss.

It happens sometimes.

Then then the day after, I was home and my dearest father was home too. We went out for dinner together.

Then he breached the topic on coming home late.

Perhaps he wasn't in a good mood. Perhaps he was really mad at me for returning home late.

He wasn't pleasant about it. One of the few times he gotten impatient with me.

I tried to explain what I feel. That sometimes work really ends late. That sometimes I went out to eat after work. That I was out with my friends. That coming home late is all part and parcel of growing up because I do want to see how is it like outisde.

He wouldn't listen, didn't understand.

That got me upset and started crying.

Then he said that brother is the better one in the family. That he knows what to do and stuff.

Then I said, yah lah yah lah I know la. Bro is the best la. I spent the most in the family for studies. He is the best.

And my father said, yah bro is the best. Why don't you learn from him?

Now I know huh, I was never good enough as a daughter.

Till now, my father and I never seemed to get back to how close we were. Where we chatted on phone, sms-ed each other. Talking about random things when we both are home. Go for movies together. Go out for dinner and talk about random things.

There were awkward silences when there was a need to call him on the phone. There was an awkward distance when I am home.

I started returning home after 10pm but definitely before 12midnight. Why?
Tell me, why would you go home to a home that you realized you were never the daughter they wanted?
And to kinda avoid seeing my father. Never thought the day would come. My faher used to be the reason why I would wanna go home early and spent time with him, but it came to a point I dreaded going home because of him.

I told Keith that one day if anything ever happens to me, please tell my father that I love him very much. That even after I know I am never the daughter he wanted or wished for. That I tried to be his daddy's lill girl. That although I always like to 往外跑， I always know where home and family is because of him.

That I really loved him and I am sorry that I wasn't the daughter that was as good as his son.